I'd Rather Be In Philadelphia by Gillian Roberts

Author:Gillian Roberts
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2011-04-11T18:30:00+00:00

' 'I tried so hard, but nothing was enough. Nothing was right. A speck of dirt, or dinner a minute late, or overcooked, I talked too much or not enough, I was too dumb, or too loud, or laughing too much or not enough, or Hugh, poor dear, was . . . anything. Just was. Angry at him from the day he was born."

For once, Macavity was not perverse. He studied Lydia, saw a need and filled it with little cat feet gentling their way onto her lap, and then an audible purr. For that, cat, pate" tomorrow; I promised. Lydia smiled with the parts of her face that still could. "Wynn wouldn't allow pets," she said. "They're messy, like people."

She spoke without animation, almost as if she were reading a text that she still found confusing. I wanted to cry, to rush back in history and unmake it, to do something, but she'd said she felt safe, and she sounded as if she believed it, and I was afraid of disrupting whatever peace she had hold of.

"My parents died in a plane crash when I was sixteen," she said at one point. "Icame back to the States and my grandmother took me in, but when she died two years later, that was it for family. And then Wynn appeared ..." She was silent again for a long while. "He wasn't that way then. He was strong, you know. Had high standards and all, but not cruel. I don't know what happened. I had never seen men shout at women that way, let alone hit them. I thought it must be my fault. I told a counselor that my husband got mad a lot. She said I had to try harder. She knew Wynn, said what a nice man he was. I knew nobody would believe me. Thought I was crazy. Depressed all the time and lying about why I couldn't be where I should be because how could I say my lip's split, I can't breathe, he strangled me, my shoulder's dislocated. Half the time I didn't even believe it myself. He told me I had fallen against the stove, tripped into the wall,

and I wanted to believe him even though the more he drank, the clumsier I got.

"And then he'd be so loving, take care of the hurts, give me gifts, and it seemed over. Forever.'' She sighed and drank tea. "I loved him so much," she said. "He was my hero. And he loved me, too, like in the movies. He did, you know. Couldn't live without me, he said."

"The thing is," I said, "nobody knows what kind of man your husband was, am I right?"

"He's the Chamber of Commerce's Man of the Year. Was."

"Then why would anybody suspect you? For all they're concerned, you had a perfect marriage. That article in Philadelphia Magazine said so. Patsy said so. Maybe your safest bet is facing the police, explaining that you're innocent."

"How would I explain where I Ve been?"

"How about a walk? A long walk.

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